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Wintery Mix January 26, 2009

Posted by L in Family, General, Weather.
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2 comments

I hear the sleet as it collides with the frozen ground.  I hear the ice as it falls against my house.  I think of the cold, the slippery roads, those who must be out on such nights.  Police men.  Emergency workers. The homeless.

My mind is taken off my thought as my son laughs.  He is happy tonight.  He is spending time with my husband.  The man he calls “Dad”.  This is his second full night home this year.  He arrived back home around 2:30 am, Sunday morning.  My son laughs some more.

The tink-tink of ice falling from the sky plays on like a symphony.   Frozen rain against an assortment of surfaces, near and distant.  Heavy then light.  Music that chills one to the bone should they dare to dawn near to the sound.

I think of my daughter, who is asleep in the other room.  She is warm under her electric blanket.  She is warm with thoughts of my husband being home, keeping her safe. She goes to sleep with a smile on her face.

There is no school tomorrow.  The roads are not safe; the children should be kept safe.  The teacher will sleep in tomorrow.  They will sleep in as the world freezes around them.  Should the sun appear through the rain, the frozen rain, the world will shine around the teacher’s home.  Around my home.

Crystals.  Frozen crystals will hang from roof tops, from car doors, from window units and bird houses.  Branches and windshields, slick with shine.  Tink. Tink. Tink.  Distant and near.

Some where, far far away, ice on the ground is but a dream.  As the heat of summer beats down on them, their world heats up.  While my world is shutting down.  Shutting down only for a moment.

The moment seems long to me.  Days.
In reality, days is but a small moment in time.

My eyes grow heavy as I type.  The laughter winds down.  Soon my son will be in bed, safe and snug.  He too will fall asleep with a smile on his face. Content with the knowledge of his dad being home.  In the morning, he will sleep in. He will sleep while the world turns white out side his window.

Soon I too will fall asleep. I will sleep to the sound of ice falling all around this house.  I will thank my sweet Jesus for the roof over my head that I so complain about.  I thank my sweet Lord for seeing to my needs as I crawl into bed and under my blankets.

And my heart goes out to those who long for such comforts.

I will sleep.
Tink. Tink. Tink.

Sleet Wintery Mix
photo taken from my front door

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Cautious or Paranoid January 15, 2009

Posted by L in Bloggers, Family, Friends, General, Life.
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2 comments

I’ve been thinking (which might explain my headaches).  Many of the people on blogs – and twitter, facebook, myspace, Vimeo, etc – are not overly cautious.  I mean, they share pictures, movies, names, and locations.  They make themselves easy to find.  They are very open about themselves.

I use “net-names”.  I am fairly vague about where I live.  On this blog I post no family photos.  On the family blog, I have the pictures altered so that you can’t really see faces.  I’m very open about myself here, but still careful to not let (most) others know exactly who I am.

I have a loosened up a bit. I actually entered a contest – and won.  That meant I had to give my address to have something mailed to me.   I also participated in a swap/barter.  Again, that meant exchanging addresses.  There is no way I would have done this even a year ago.

Am I paranoid?  Are most people just not cautious enough?

One family that I know (okay, I read their blog so I feel like I know them, but don’t actually know them know them) opens their home up to many of their readers.  Wow!  At first I thought they were just crazy living on the edge.  Then I thought about this:  I almost went to meet a group of net friends recently.  I also may have one of my net-friends coming to my area for a visit this year.  But, that’s different.  I mean, we talk on the phone! …… Okay, so it’s the same thing.  Or is it?

If I were to send a message to the “open-house-family” saying I would be in their area, would they offer their home to me?

I heard a message recently (as in last night) and thought about them.
This isn’t my study blog so I won’t go deep into this, but part of the Scripture read was Matt 25:35
“for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in;”

( NKJV )

At the same time though, we do have common sense.  Where is the line?  When do you offer to let someone come into your home?  At what point will you be willing to stay at someone else’s home?  Where is the line between caution and faith?  When is it common sense and when is it paranoia?

Just because someone is open about their life and family does mean they should open their home.  Where is the line of caution when it comes to showing and telling things online?

So many young people put so much out there that not only put them in danger now, but could effect them in ways they can’t comprehend now.  And so many proud parents share so much about their lives and location, it scares me for them.

Am I just overly cautious?  Is everyone else too open?  Am I paranoid without realizing it?  Or am I just using common sense?  Internet safety?

Hmm. Something to think about…

.

.

Where do you stand on this issue?  And why?

Wants Wishes and Dreams December 31, 2008

Posted by L in Family, Real Conversations.
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3 comments

Hubby just sent a text message to me. (He is away with work.) It said he is starting a collection of Wiz of Oz stuff for his mom for next Christmas.
This from the man who often has shopped the day before, of, and even after Christmas for my present. Well, yeah, I of course I responded to that text!  I said “Yay!  Christmas shopping early!”

He responded with “Yes. So, what do you want?”

Well, with an opening like that, I could not resist.  My fingers just went to flying…
“My two front teeth, new feet, new house, top of the line alien computer.  What about you?” (I had to ask. I mean, I’m not selfish!) “Oh and my own islands in SL” (a virtual world)

I was going to ask you, “Do you think that may have been too much?”. But while typing the question, I received a text from him…

“New house with acreage, big shop with all tools, and money to start my own business.  And to loose weight.”

Um, yeah. Just like that.  We shoot off the wants.
We don’t have any dreams or anything….
*sigh*

.

.

What about you? What would your list look like?
The first things that came to mind.
Com’on, bare your worldly desires and dream for a moment…

Pity Party December 11, 2008

Posted by L in Family, Friends, General, Holiday, Life, Personal, Random.
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4 comments

I think it’s all starting to get to me.  Although, it could just be hormones.
There is no reason for it to get to me. I mean, up until now we’ve been provided for, so why would we not be now?  Maybe I’m tired of living on the edge of… of… of having my children grow up too fast.

I don’t mind living on a beach some place, or in my car, or house skipping for a while when I don’t have little people depending on me.  I’m tired of this kind of uncertainty (No, we are not doing those things now. I mean the uncertainty of if we will have to move out from not paying rent and that sort of thing).  I’m tired of living like this and raising my children like this. I mean, I am grateful for the roof over our heads (even if I don’t sound like it right now) and that our needs are met. I really am.  Still though, I wish for a more complete house.  I wish for more financial stability.  Not necessarily wealth (though that would be nice), but stability.  Security.

I guess I turned into a typical girl who actually wants stability.  Things really change when you have children.  I mean, before my 13 year old was born I had more of a “I’ll land where I fall” attitude.  When things got tough, I just stopped buying food. No big deal.  I could do without.  That goes away when you want to give “better” to your children.

I’ve had money, I’ve been poor, and I’ve been in-between.  Poor is hardest when you’re not alone.

It’s also getting to me that I wasn’t worried about Christmas.  I had put a little away every month and hid some away from the tax return – not much because we had to live off it after Hub’s stroke – for Christmas.  Now, it’s all used up.  What was put away every month was used to get Hubby to work.  Then what was hid away was used for insurance and fuel (so I could drive the children to school) and a few needed items (house hold and hygiene needs along with a few very cheep staple groceries).

I’m broke. There is no more.  And although God has pulled through in some unbelievable ways – checks in the mail as things come due, edible food from unexpected sources, and coats being mailed to us for the children from a friend as a Christmas gift for example- I’m still breaking here.  The cracks are starting to leak.

The job that I took Hubby to hasn’t provided the first check yet.  It is also slow there, so when we do get a check I don’t expect it to be much.  Did I mention it’s also a former employer that he owes money to?

I could go off on choices he’s made, but I’ll just regret it later.  I chose to say yes, now I deal with the lessons he still has to learn.  Maybe I am missing my own lesson here?

The water bill was due yesterday.  We still have the all utilities for this month due plus insurance again at the end of the month.  I ran out of popcorn – which was my lunch for days.  I am getting tired of egg sandwiches. The weekend is just around the corner so I’ll need to figure out breakfast and lunch for the children for those days.  Probably potatoes for lunch and oatmeal for breakfast.  Can you say starch?  Carb?  Why are these foods so cheap?  Why aren’t fresh fruits and veggies as cheap as noodles?

I’m whining now, aren’t I?  Maybe I just need a big tub of ice cream and an unexpected tax-free huge lump sum of money.  Yeah, me and probably a billion other people too, right?

.

**** **** **** ****

Edit:
Just after typing the above entry, I called the pharmacist.  Son has one dose left of his medicine. I needed to find out what, if anything, would happen if he suddenly stopped taking it (some medications you have to be weaned off and I was not sure if that one would fall into that category or not.)  He asked if Son was having a problem with medication.  I explained, frankly, that I did not have the co-pay for the state funded insurance that covers the medication. (Which I might add, is a story in of it’s self.) The pharmacist said to come get the medication. He literally (I saw him) paid for the medication out of his own pocket.
In another words, even in the midst of my whining, my God is STILL taking care of our needs.  Amazing.

Exposing My Secret November 18, 2008

Posted by L in Family, General, Life, Personal, Random.
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3 comments

Do you have a secret?
Do you keep something from you spouse?
Do you think it is wrong or is “this secret” the exception?
Do you rightly or wrongly justify having a secret?

I have a secret.
It’s a secret that I keep mainly from my spouse.
I don’t know that I think this is secret is wrong, but I regret having the need to keep it secret.
I don’t think I’m wrong to justify keeping this secret, but I admit I am a bit bias.

So, what is the big secret you ask?  If I answer that on the internet, would it still be a secret?

Well, first let me say that the secret is not something big and bad like I have eight secret husbands on the side.  It is not something way cool like season tickets to (fill in the team).  It is probably not even a bit deal to most, but it is my secret.  It’s not like it’s a complete secret. I mean, we’ve talked about it.  He just doesn’t know that I actually did it.  See?

Austin, I can hear you saying “Just get to it already, Woman!”

A few months back I … I joined a gym.  Yes, that is the big secret.  I had been sneaking off to they gym, working out after dropping the children off at school.  Then my friend hurt her back and I helped her out.  During that week, Hub quit his job and has been home ever since.  Do you know how hard it is to sneak out and get sweaty?  I mean, seriously, do you have any idea how difficult it is when your man isn’t working to get out on a regular basis when you have no job too?

Why not just tell him?  Why is it a big secret?  Good questions.
He has this ability to sabotage things, to do exactly what I don’t want, and is very much not a private person.  I know, I have a blog, but I am still a private person.  Let me give you examples.
Our first Christmas as a married couple, he asks what I want for Christmas.  I say “Anything except clothes.  I do not like for other people to buy clothes for me.”  Guess what I got.  Yup, clothes.
Recently (when I joined the gym), I told him I would like to improve my eating habits.  Just me, personally.  I told him if he wanted chips, get some for himself but none for me.  Soon after, he brought home chips and ice cream for me.
I don’t know if it’s a male thing that just clings to the noun words “She said clothes.”  “She said chips.”  Or if it is his passive aggressive side screaming “HA!  Take THAT!”.

Add that to the way he twits things.  Add that to the way he talks about me to his family.  Add to those things the pressure of others knowing that big old me is working out.  Then add to that the judgment of spending money on the club membership when we have NO income.

I just don’t want to tell him. I don’t.

Before you go off on “If you have no money, why did you get a gym membership?”, let me explain. (Yes, I know I don’t have to explain, but I am going to anyhow)  It’s a God thing.  Yes I’m serious.
It’s kind of a long story.  The summary version is this: I told him what I believe God wanted me to do.  We agreed if God provided the money, if we got an unexpected check in the mail for a year membership, then I would do it.  Guess what happened.  Go on, guess.  God provided. That’s what.  One year’s worth of family membership money unexpectedly came in a check in the mail.  Praise God!
So, we talked about it, he just doesn’t know that I actually spent the money as I was suppose to spend it.

Ok, so. Now, I cannot stand it.  I have to get back to working out.  I wasn’t blessed and lead there just so I could stay home.  But, coming up with a reason that I vanish every morning for a couple hours is hard.

My plan?  I am hoping to sit down tonight and talk with the husband.  I plan on finding out if he is planning on going back over the road or staying local. I plan on finding out where he thinks he is being lead, or if he has even spend any serious time in prayer about what to do.  Then, if it seems like he’s going to be sticking around… I might have to… I don’t want to, but I might have to… expose my secret.

It’s not the immediate response that concerns me.  It is the ripples afterward.

The Stench October 25, 2008

Posted by L in Disgusting, Family, General, Life, Random.
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4 comments

I confess.

I . Hate. Coffee.

I cannot stand the smell of it.  It is gross, nasty, disgusting, revolting, stinky… You get the idea.

If you like it, fine.  If you enjoy the smell or taste, good for you.  You can have my portion of coffee as well because I certainly do NOT want it.

This leads me to my current dilemma.

The Man.

He has, over the years, decided he likes coffee.  He occasionally has it, while I make face of disgust, when we go out.  He drinks it at his mother’s house.  He developed the “habit” while away from home with his job.

His mother recently acquired a new coffee maker.  Today, he walked in with her old coffee maker and a can of coffee.  I think I threw up a little in my mouth at just the thought.

Yes, it’s that bad.

I can handle it at other people’s houses.  I deal with it out in public or at an employers.  However, this is in my own house.  This means, every morning I will wake up with a headache and ready to hurl.

So, what I am asking of you is advice.  HOW do I get the STINK that is bound to come with the coffee maker out of my house?  What is the fastest, most powerful way?  Shall I buy lysol by the case and douse the kitchen every morning?  Do I purchase a bunch of cheap candles and every morning run around lighting them as the dripping begins?  Do I invest in a gas mask for the children and me? Do I look for those nose plugs that some swimmers wear?

Please, someone, rescue me from this olfactory attack.  Help arm my sense of smell.
Or at the very least, send some barf bags and ibuprofen.

Randomly Updating & Sunday Songs 11 August 31, 2008

Posted by L in Computer, Family, Friends, General, Life, Music, Random, Real Conversations, Uncategorized, Videos.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
1 comment so far

Wonderful Box:

About one week ago I alluded to a wonderful box (among other things) in a post I wrote.  Now, lucky lucky you gets to read all about it.
I had ordered some clothes for Daughter on-line.  They fit, but if she grows or eats a large meal they will no longer fit.  So, I got a hold of friend to ask what size her girls wear.  Turns out, the clothes are too big for her girls, but…….

Ah, the but.  I love this but.

BUT, she has a box sitting there that I might be interested in.   It is full of clothes just my girl’s size.

OH YEAH BABY!!!
So, we were blessed beyond measure with a box of clothes that will both give Daughter some new school clothes and winter clothes.

There was one big fault with this box though.  What is that, you ask?  What could I possibly complain about?  Well, this:

Don’t ya just LOVE them?!?!?!?!  The problem is, they are Daughter’s size, not mine!  How rude!  Right?

******** **** ******** ****

Actually that box also arrived right around Daughter’s birthday.  For her, it was like getting a present in the mail!  Yay!
Her birthday actually fell on a weekday, so we celebrated on Saturday.  Yes, Movie Saturday.  She invited a friend to go to the movies with her instead of having a party.  Worked for me, sorta.  See, I did not enjoy the movie all that much and there were a few “issues.”   But all in all, I guess, it was good.  *clears throat*  Okay, well it wasn’t too bad.

******** **** ******** ****

Have I mentioned that Mother is not, I repeat NOT computer knowledgeable.  I mean, seriously.  Ok, let me just give you a hint as to how bad it is…
She called when she got her new computer (yes, she actually has had a computer before this one).  She said “It’s all hooked up but won’t come on. The screen is black.”
I asked the standard questions.  “Is it plugged into the wall and the computer?  Is it turned on?”
She could not find the power button for the monitor.   …… “You mean the thing that looks like a clock?”
“Yeah……”

Ok, well this same woman now has internet.  I spend the better part of 3 days trying to get her, her new roommate, their two computers and their cable tv all set up.  *sigh*  And I ain’t done yet.

She calls with questions.  Which, I normally wouldn’t mind, but the calls in the past have gone like this:
“There was a box. What does it mean?”
“Read it to me.”
“I can’t. I closed it.  Why was it there?”
“AAAAGHAFHASLPDOFRA!”

OR

“Why won’t my music play?”
“Open your media player.”
“What’s that?”

Okay, so asking what a media player is when you don’t know is fine. However, you must keep in mind, that I had SHOWN her before where it is and where the quick link to open it was…

This is the source of endless frustration followed (days later) by laughter.   She takes my frustration well.  I have, standing in front of her, made “static sounds” (like on a cell phone) and said “You’re breaking up.”

******** **** ******** ****

So far school seems to be going well. You know, outside of the big drama.  Don’t worry, we actually weren’t directly involved this time.  That is to say, we weren’t the main characters.

******** **** ******** ****

Just got off the phone, I kid you not, to answer more questions.  Yes, SHE is on the INTERNET.   By the way, a forward slash is under the question mark… next to the shift key.

******** **** ******** ****

And that last phone call leads me to this week’s Sunday Song.  I picked something rather mellow and from way way back.  So, kick back, relax, and enjoy this song from another time.

Have You Never Been Mellow
By: Olivia Newton-John

The Swap August 26, 2008

Posted by L in Friends, General, Random.
Tags: , , , , , ,
5 comments

An invisible friend (as my hubby calls all my net-friends) mentioned some movies that she wants to own. She is a blogger and an artist. She offered a trade on her site; she enjoys bartering.

I ended up coming across one of the movies on her list. So, I sent off an email asking if she still needed said movie. She did. It all seemed to be going well until she told me to pick a piece of art for her to send me or no deal. No deal? Hmp!

What if I just want to send her the movie? What if I think her art is worth more than the movie? What if I feel like I’m taking advantage of her? Hmmm? What then?

She tried to use logic on me. She told me how much she enjoys bartering. She told me that if I did not pick something to send she would no longer be my friend. Ok, fine. I made that last part up.

So, once all was said and done – as much as one can say and do things via email – the swap was on. She is getting her movie whilst I am choosing one of her fabulous art works. I am still getting the better end of the deal.

But, oh, it’s not over. See, I am married to a very passive aggressive man and I have learned a thing or two. Yes, I have. So, by way of “getting even” I have chosen two others to send two other videos too. Ha! That’ll show her! And I’ll email the other 2 ladies tonight or in the morning so they know to watch the mail.

Ha! Ha! That’ll show her!
…. Wait a minute. How will that show her? Gah! I guess I don’t have this passive aggressive thing down after all. …

Confessions August 20, 2008

Posted by L in General, Life, Random, Wisdom.
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It’s true. I’m going to admit it right here, right now.

I am an escapist.

I have been for a quite some time.
I long for escape. It is what I do.

Oh sure, I can “go with the flow” and be content. Deep down though, more often than not, there is an escape happening. Even when I am in the moment, it is a form of escape.

Reading a book, to me, is an escape. I read as the images play in my mind like a high definition movie. The world around me fades away as I am immersed in the set of my imagination narrated by the pages before me.

Entering a virtual world, I, once again, escape by blocking out all around. Even though I stare at the monitor before me, I block out the chaos on my desk. I release tension there, I dance there, I fly, I laugh, I shop, I create, I have fun, I blow off steam, I immerse. Escaping fully into another world with others.

Chatting with a friend is even a form of escape. As I sit and listen to them talk, I am entering their world, their life and leaving mine behind. As they speak, I picture what they say, I empathize, I laugh with them, I smile, and nod in understanding. Understanding because I have left my life and entered theirs.

Reading blogs is like chatting with friends in that I, yet again, enter someone else’s world. I see their joy, their pain, their unshielded self. It does not matter if their story is painted with words, with pictures, or a combination of both, for those few moments, I have entered their existence, even if only through the one way looking glass they have provided.

Even if I am pulling someone into my world, my life, I am escaping. I have left my reality to communicate with the visitor. As I share my life through voice, photograph, text, movie, paint, song compilation, I am into the setting. I am into the communication. I am leaving my world to make a window for you to see in.

Yes, it is true. I am an escapist.

Now you know who I am.
Allow me to glimpse into your world. Escape with me and share who you are, what you are.
Tell me, are you an escapist too?

Pop Goes the Bubble August 18, 2008

Posted by L in Life, Real Conversations.
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My alone time bubble has been popped.
But at least I got a laugh out of it…

********

Setting: I had just gotten out of the shower when Hubby arrived home. I was in my room getting dressed. He walked in…

Hubby: “Lucy, I’m home” *imitating an old television show*

Me: “I can smell, er, tell.”

Hubby: “What?” *frowns*

Me: “I, um, I heard you come in. Yeah, that’s it.” *smirk*

Hubby: “Did you enjoy your peaceful day?”

Me: “Yeah, I did. It was great. Kind of like when they were at camp, I ate when I wanted. Not before I was hungry, not after, just when I was I hungry and when I wanted.”

Hubby: *whines* “I’m hungry”

Me: *doing the head weave* “You’re a grown man, fix something fo’ yourself”

Hubby: *laughing* “I had planned on it.”

Me: “I also watched a movie, on the tv, loud enough for me to hear, with adult dialog and situations. Not animated. There was one animal, a dog, but it didn’t talk, I couldn’t hear it’s thoughts, it was just a dog.”

Hubby: “Good!”

Me: *fully dressed walking back to the bathroom, where Hubby was also heading so he could shower* “Hey! You’re taking over the bathroom!”
…. *grinning and walking away from the bathroom*
“Yup, it was peaceful until about 1:40 when I felt like my space was invaded.”

Hubby: “That…. HEY! That’s about what time I got home!”

Me: *turning back to him looking innocent* “Oh? Is it?”