jump to navigation

Mealtime Temptation May 2, 2009

Posted by L in Family, General, Personal, Random.
Tags: , , , , ,
1 comment so far

I started a new diet this week.  Really, it’s not a bad thing.  I’ve probably eaten more on this “diet” than I would have had I not been on the diet.  I’m definitely eating healthier.

However, about a week ago I went to the store. I purchased some ingredients for a dinner I had in mind.  Well, I ended up not making that dinner until tonight.  THAT was hard because it is not something I ate.  I had to serve it to the children and eat my own food.  Again, not that my own food is bad, it’s not.  It’s just, well I was so looking forward to the other that it was difficult to not even take a nibble.

Anyhow, it’s all good.  Plus, Son just finished off the Ben & Jerry’s.  That means, the real temptation has been removed…

…That is, until I make supper for them tomorrow night.

Do you ever diet?
If you do, what is the biggest challenge you face when you are dieting?

Food in the Fast Lane April 30, 2009

Posted by L in Bloggers, Family, Life, Personal, Random.
Tags: , , , ,
5 comments

Yes. It is true.  After a long silence, I am returning to the blogging world.  What brings me out of hiding, you ask?  Well, to tell the truth, Mandy did.

See, I recently tweeted that after many years without a microwave, I purchased one today.   I’ll let that soak in for minute. ………….  Yes, seriously.   I have lived without a microwaves for more years that I can remember.

Mandy found this amazing.  So, I though “Hey, I should blog about this.”

Truth be told, she is not the first to find this shocking behavior.  My mother considered it some sort of twisted abuse that I dare make my family live without one.  People have asked “How you heat things up?”  “Is this some sort of cult deal you are into?” and “Is it for health reasons?”

Ok first the one that makes me laugh:  I heat things up using the stove top or oven. I make popcorn in my air popper.
Next: No, it is not some sort of cult restriction.  It is a personal choice that has nothing to do with any religious belief.
Finally: Yes and no to the health.  Microwaves are shady, in my opinion.  I mean, have you ever really thought about what they are?  There are no pacemakers or any medical restrictions causing me to live micro-wave-less.  It is just my own mind thinking too much about how the food is heated.  Oh, and seeing a microwave leak detector.  That simple.

So, now, after all this time, I have broken down and purchased one.  Why?  Well, that’s a whole other post. But it boils down to something new I am trying that requires a microwave.

See, it is all rather simple.

But now, let me ask you…
If your microwave broke today, how long do you think you could hold out before buying a new one?

Swinging Low March 6, 2009

Posted by L in Friends, General, Life, Personal.
Tags: , , , ,
2 comments

A few days ago I was quite mean to a friend.  He said “Have you started yet or is it still a week away!”  It was more of an accusation than a question.
I became irritated.

A couple of days ago, I noticed that I was wearing my fake smile.  A lot.  I noticed that I was starting to disconnect.  Disconnect from the world.  Slipping into recluse mode.

Last night, I watched the final show of True Beauty (or something like that).  I hadn’t watched a full season, just the last few episodes.  I was not attached to any contestant.  Still, when they announced the winner, I became a bit teary eyed.

I noticed that chocolate doesn’t taste so bad right now either.

This morning, I heard a commercial. I don’t remember what the product was, but I did the cry that was a laugh. Or was it the laugh that was really a cry.  A commercial. On the radio.

Ice cream was a staple food this week too.
*sigh* I think I might have “a visitor” soon.

No, I won’t tell my friend he was right.  Because, well, that is just wrong. However, I might send a message to Tam and find out more about her hormone pills. Maybe she can email some to me…

Soon. January 14, 2009

Posted by L in Bloggers, Family, Friends, Life, Personal.
Tags: , , , , , , ,
4 comments

It is almost time.
It is almost time to take the next step.
It is almost time to open one of the accountability blogs.
It is almost time to make public my triumphs and my failures.
It is almost time to let you know what in the world I am going on about now.

Yesterday I made a commitment.
Yesterday I made a commitment and then began to fret.
Yesterday I made a commitment that just backed up one I made to myself.
Yesterday I made a choice to follow through.
Yesterday I made a click that added more (positive) pressure to my goal.
Yesterday I committed to what was probably just an email mass mailing list.
…but what if it’s not.

A commitment is a commitment.

What am I going on about?
My health.  Some choices I made but have been inconsistent in with and without good reason… to a point.
No more excuses.  This is not a resolution.  This is not a promise.  This is… more.

I’m not real good with keeping with things.  I am a good starter.  I can finish up for others.  I am not good at doing from beginning to end without accountability.  I need accountability in certain areas.

I had set up two other blogs for that.

One for spiritual accountability.  I stop writing in that one when summer rolled around due to lack of morning quiet time at the computer.  I did not start back up once school was back in session.

The other for health.  I have issues.  Ben & Jerry’s.  Chips & Salsa.  A backside that is the shape of my desk chair.  Being almost 3 times the woman I once was.   Ouch. That hurt to confess.  I miss the old me.  The one that had energy to go to the lake or park.  The one who could buy clothes in the single digits.  It’s an area I must be very careful with though.  I need the accountability there.  I have issues that go beyond the “normal willpower/emotional eating”.  I have issues that go beyond being lazy.  But it is time. It is past time. It is way past time.

Soon, the body blog will be opened back up to the public.  It is more for myself.  To keep track of movement.  Share recipes – I often forget what I did “the last time I made this”.  And maybe to post what I ate.  I’m not sure on that one.  I don’t know if I will just keep a notebook or post.  It is the hardest blog I write in.  Because of my vanity.  Because of what I was and what I am now.  Because of who I was and what I’ve physically and materialistically become.

If you are interested in holding me accountable, or wanting to be held accountable, or if you are looking for a place to keep track of these things too but don’t want to join the many website communities out there that do that… let me know.  Maybe you can join me over there… once I open it back up to the public.

The same goes for the other blog too.  If you are wanting to hold me accountable, or looking to be held accountable in either way, let me know.  We can do it through my other blogs or through twitter… or both.

Soon.

.

.

Do you have something that is “soon”?
When does soon start for you?

Hi. I’m Self-Absorbed January 4, 2009

Posted by L in Disgusting, Family, Friends, General, Headlines, Personal, Random, Real Conversations, Wisdom.
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
2 comments

Ignorant: Lacking knowledge
Self-Absorbed: Preoccupied with one’s own thoughts, interests, etc

That is me.  Defined.

Everyone is ignorant in some area.  Two of my (many) areas of ignorance are politics and world events.  Last night, this was painfully obvious.

I often use the excuse that I don’t pick up channels on my television, so I can’t watch the new.  But, hello to self… I have do have the internet and I do know how to read.  I do see headlines on my home page, so I have a vague clue as to some things that go on.  However, I am still quite guilty of ignorance. I am guilty of only paying attention to things in my home, really.  I mean, I often don’t know what goes on inside my own community let alone outside of it.  Self-absorbed.

I could go on about the internet or computers to a degree.  I could talk about my husband’s health, my children’s health, our finances, in-laws, some of my relatives, my house and it’s needed repairs…  I could go on thinking I’m the center of my world.  But I’m not.

One would think that since I have, as one friend puts it, a “dooms day outlook” I would pay more attention to the world.
One would think, as  Christian, I would pay close attention to what is happening in one particular country.

Last night, I “saw” (re: connected with online) a friend who I hadn’t seen in a while.  He said he was “worried but safe”.  Huh?  “We are at war.”  Oh yeah, I think to myself, I’ve seen some headlines.  I knew where this friend and his family vacationed and where he traveled for work.  However, I either did not know or had forgotten where he and his family actually lived.  Once reminded, I felt guilt.  I should know more about what is going on there.  I should know more!

This morning there is a headline that reads

Civilians on both sides caught in crossfire

I think of my friend.  I look a the picture and wonder if that is what his life is like now.  War.  It seems so distant.

Yes, we have our own troops places.  But, again, to me, that is distant.  I know people or know people who know people who are “away” (in the military).  So, although that touches me, it’s not fully real to me.

War.

I know things will get bad here one day.  I even believe it won’t be long before big changes happen.  However, my house does not shake.  I do not wonder if my friends who do not live in my town are injured, hurt, still have a standing house…

Until last night.  When my eyes were opened to my selfishness.  My ignorance, which I knew I had, was more than a bit embarrassing. It didn’t just leave me out of an intelligent conversation this time.  It left me seeming cold and callous to a friend.  As if I did not care.
It also made me realize, that as a Christian, perhaps I am failing. I see signs, but I am not watching.

I am self-absorbed.

Embarrassment December 15, 2008

Posted by L in Life, Personal, Random, Wisdom.
Tags: , , ,
7 comments

Your cheeks redden, unless you are one of those people who turn red around their ears or neck instead.  Maybe your palms sweat or you give a goofy smile  and look around, not making eye contact. You feel warmth, and uncomfortable warmth, throughout your being.

You are… EMBARRASSED!

We have all experienced it on some level.  Some people are easily embarrassed, while others seem to have no sense of shame.  There are those that get mad because they have been embarrassed and, on the other end of the spectrum, those that take it well and laugh at themselves.

Many people find humor in the embarrassment of others.  I am one of those people.  For example, in my younger city-living years I might try to gather a bunch of strangers to sing happy birthday to friend in the middle of the mall, even though it’s not their birthday.  Many mornings I ask my son if he wants me to walk him into school.  He’s 13.  Just the mention of it is embarrassing.  The answer is always a definite no with a slight smile.
It is good natured embarrassment.

I don’t like to be embarrassed.  Some small things I could handle and laugh along with though.  I don’t like to be the center of attention, so I would not like a publicly sung happy birthday on my birthday.  On the same hand though, if it were NOT my birthday, I’d still be embarrassed but I’d think it was amazingly funny…. and possibly begin planning my “get back” by the second verse.

Again though, that’s mainly good natured fun.  It is not the “I’ll never go out in public again” kind.   But really, what is reason for embarrassment?  I mean, what does it matter?  And why is it so different for so many people?

As a Christian, I must be careful of what people think, yes.  But really, will my awful singing turn someone away from Jesus?  Probably not.
So, why then does it matter?  It’s not just Christians that get embarrassed anyhow.  So, why do we, people, get embarrassed?  Animals don’t. Have you ever seen a dog blush because someone saw him “doing his business”?  No. They don’t care.  And how much of it is society?

I think much of it is individual.
Some people would not be caught outside without makeup.
Some people would just be mortified they were seen in an older automobile.
While others can dig for gold in varies body parts and not care who sees them. They don’t know the word discreet when it comes to crawling undergarments.
Some are embarrassed by others, while some don’t have a care in the world.

Which kind of person are you?
What is embarrassing to you?

.

.

.

A special thanks to darkeve who unintentionally inspired this post when commenting on yesterday’s Fears post.

Fears December 13, 2008

Posted by L in Life, Personal, Random.
Tags: , , ,
5 comments

You read the title right. Fears.

We all have them in some form or another.  It may be some deep rooted fear.  It might also be a passing thing brought on by some horror movie.  Perhaps it is something common like a fear of heights or clowns.  Then again, it maybe it’s something that hinders how you conduct yourself.

My fear… It alters how I conduct myself.

See, I have this MP3 player.  It has songs on it.  With lyrics.  I love singing. However, my singing ability is less than zero and could probably be considered a lethal weapon.  Still I belt them out, loudly – preferably when I’m alone.  (Why, yes, you may feel sorry for my neighbors.)

What does that have to do with fear?
Well, let me tell you… I fear that when I am out in public, say walking, that when I think I am lip syncing I am actually whisper singing. Or when I think I am too quiet for anyone to hear, I am actually singing well into hearing range.  Or maybe I am distracting others, thus putting them in jeopardy, because they have never seen a woman of my age walking along moving her lips.  If I am at a gym, I could even cause someone to trip and stumble on the treadmill!  Then not only have I damaged their hearing with my singing, I’ve caused them embarrassment.

Yup, that’s my fear. I fear I will forget myself and belt one out at the gym… okay, more than one, but you get my point.

What is your fear?

.

.

.

You’re laughing at me now, aren’t you?

Pity Party December 11, 2008

Posted by L in Family, Friends, General, Holiday, Life, Personal, Random.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
4 comments

I think it’s all starting to get to me.  Although, it could just be hormones.
There is no reason for it to get to me. I mean, up until now we’ve been provided for, so why would we not be now?  Maybe I’m tired of living on the edge of… of… of having my children grow up too fast.

I don’t mind living on a beach some place, or in my car, or house skipping for a while when I don’t have little people depending on me.  I’m tired of this kind of uncertainty (No, we are not doing those things now. I mean the uncertainty of if we will have to move out from not paying rent and that sort of thing).  I’m tired of living like this and raising my children like this. I mean, I am grateful for the roof over our heads (even if I don’t sound like it right now) and that our needs are met. I really am.  Still though, I wish for a more complete house.  I wish for more financial stability.  Not necessarily wealth (though that would be nice), but stability.  Security.

I guess I turned into a typical girl who actually wants stability.  Things really change when you have children.  I mean, before my 13 year old was born I had more of a “I’ll land where I fall” attitude.  When things got tough, I just stopped buying food. No big deal.  I could do without.  That goes away when you want to give “better” to your children.

I’ve had money, I’ve been poor, and I’ve been in-between.  Poor is hardest when you’re not alone.

It’s also getting to me that I wasn’t worried about Christmas.  I had put a little away every month and hid some away from the tax return – not much because we had to live off it after Hub’s stroke – for Christmas.  Now, it’s all used up.  What was put away every month was used to get Hubby to work.  Then what was hid away was used for insurance and fuel (so I could drive the children to school) and a few needed items (house hold and hygiene needs along with a few very cheep staple groceries).

I’m broke. There is no more.  And although God has pulled through in some unbelievable ways – checks in the mail as things come due, edible food from unexpected sources, and coats being mailed to us for the children from a friend as a Christmas gift for example- I’m still breaking here.  The cracks are starting to leak.

The job that I took Hubby to hasn’t provided the first check yet.  It is also slow there, so when we do get a check I don’t expect it to be much.  Did I mention it’s also a former employer that he owes money to?

I could go off on choices he’s made, but I’ll just regret it later.  I chose to say yes, now I deal with the lessons he still has to learn.  Maybe I am missing my own lesson here?

The water bill was due yesterday.  We still have the all utilities for this month due plus insurance again at the end of the month.  I ran out of popcorn – which was my lunch for days.  I am getting tired of egg sandwiches. The weekend is just around the corner so I’ll need to figure out breakfast and lunch for the children for those days.  Probably potatoes for lunch and oatmeal for breakfast.  Can you say starch?  Carb?  Why are these foods so cheap?  Why aren’t fresh fruits and veggies as cheap as noodles?

I’m whining now, aren’t I?  Maybe I just need a big tub of ice cream and an unexpected tax-free huge lump sum of money.  Yeah, me and probably a billion other people too, right?

.

**** **** **** ****

Edit:
Just after typing the above entry, I called the pharmacist.  Son has one dose left of his medicine. I needed to find out what, if anything, would happen if he suddenly stopped taking it (some medications you have to be weaned off and I was not sure if that one would fall into that category or not.)  He asked if Son was having a problem with medication.  I explained, frankly, that I did not have the co-pay for the state funded insurance that covers the medication. (Which I might add, is a story in of it’s self.) The pharmacist said to come get the medication. He literally (I saw him) paid for the medication out of his own pocket.
In another words, even in the midst of my whining, my God is STILL taking care of our needs.  Amazing.

Restless Sleep and Dreams December 2, 2008

Posted by L in General, Life, Personal, Random.
Tags: , , , , , , ,
2 comments

I’m tired.
Well, not really.
But I have been tired lately.

Maybe I can blame it on winter. I usually do.  I say I am hibernating.  I look forward to warm weather already.  As a friend pointed out – much to my dismay – I have a long wait (until spring is here).

The past several mornings though, I have been more tired than usual.
I have a history of bad dreams.  No biggie because, well, with a history of them, they aren’t as disturbing as they would be if they were uncommon.  It is sort of “the norm”.  As a matter of fact, when they lessened, that was more disturbing to me.

At some point – within the last year or two (I’ve little to no sense of time) – there became a balance. “Regular” dreams and “Bad Dreams” had joint custody.  There were a few visit from “Dreams that are different” and a rare visit from the “Keep her awake for days” dreams.

But lately, the bad dreams have taken on a completely different… theme.  And this new theme leaves me exhausted.  I don’t think I’ve been staying up later.  I have been getting up earlier since Hubby went back to work.  But, not that much earlier.  It is my “old schedule”… old only meaning by a couple of months.  Also, I didn’t get up that early over the recent holidays.

They started before Hubby went back to work, so I cannot say that is my mind processing that change.  Only this morning did I finally see a small thread of a potential theme.   I think I only saw that because I went back to sleep once the children were off to school.  This means I followed that dream to the end.

No, I won’t detail it.

I think my morning nap was over three hours long.  I woke up on my own (no alarm, no phone, no person woke me).  I’m not quite exhausted; I was ready to be awake.

I don’t know what tonight holds.  I don’t know if these dreams will return.

A while back, I read that adults rarely to never have nightmares.  What I was reading also stated that having them is a sleep disorder (as an adult, not as a child).  I do not know if this is true or not.  I only know that I have always regularly had nightmares.

Is it truly rare for adults to have bad dreams?
In general, how well do you sleep?
Do you ever have nightmares?
If you do, do they only seem to happen around certain times or events thus being an understandable process?
Do you believe your dreams (good or bad) are ever more than “just a dream”?

So What & Stuff November 22, 2008

Posted by L in Family, General, Life, Music, Personal, Random, Videos.
Tags: , , , , , , ,
2 comments

I woke up with this song in my head:

So What
By: Pink
RATED PG for some profanity

On a completely unrelated note, my husband is going away today.  I don’t know where he’s going.  I mean, I know he’s going back to his pre-stroke employer, but there is so much traveling involved that I rarely know where he actually is when he is away.

So, that’s what up with me today. I’m off to do some driving, you know, to drop him off with a co-worker in the next state over. Anything new with you?