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Pity Party December 11, 2008

Posted by L in Family, Friends, General, Holiday, Life, Personal, Random.
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I think it’s all starting to get to me.  Although, it could just be hormones.
There is no reason for it to get to me. I mean, up until now we’ve been provided for, so why would we not be now?  Maybe I’m tired of living on the edge of… of… of having my children grow up too fast.

I don’t mind living on a beach some place, or in my car, or house skipping for a while when I don’t have little people depending on me.  I’m tired of this kind of uncertainty (No, we are not doing those things now. I mean the uncertainty of if we will have to move out from not paying rent and that sort of thing).  I’m tired of living like this and raising my children like this. I mean, I am grateful for the roof over our heads (even if I don’t sound like it right now) and that our needs are met. I really am.  Still though, I wish for a more complete house.  I wish for more financial stability.  Not necessarily wealth (though that would be nice), but stability.  Security.

I guess I turned into a typical girl who actually wants stability.  Things really change when you have children.  I mean, before my 13 year old was born I had more of a “I’ll land where I fall” attitude.  When things got tough, I just stopped buying food. No big deal.  I could do without.  That goes away when you want to give “better” to your children.

I’ve had money, I’ve been poor, and I’ve been in-between.  Poor is hardest when you’re not alone.

It’s also getting to me that I wasn’t worried about Christmas.  I had put a little away every month and hid some away from the tax return – not much because we had to live off it after Hub’s stroke – for Christmas.  Now, it’s all used up.  What was put away every month was used to get Hubby to work.  Then what was hid away was used for insurance and fuel (so I could drive the children to school) and a few needed items (house hold and hygiene needs along with a few very cheep staple groceries).

I’m broke. There is no more.  And although God has pulled through in some unbelievable ways – checks in the mail as things come due, edible food from unexpected sources, and coats being mailed to us for the children from a friend as a Christmas gift for example- I’m still breaking here.  The cracks are starting to leak.

The job that I took Hubby to hasn’t provided the first check yet.  It is also slow there, so when we do get a check I don’t expect it to be much.  Did I mention it’s also a former employer that he owes money to?

I could go off on choices he’s made, but I’ll just regret it later.  I chose to say yes, now I deal with the lessons he still has to learn.  Maybe I am missing my own lesson here?

The water bill was due yesterday.  We still have the all utilities for this month due plus insurance again at the end of the month.  I ran out of popcorn – which was my lunch for days.  I am getting tired of egg sandwiches. The weekend is just around the corner so I’ll need to figure out breakfast and lunch for the children for those days.  Probably potatoes for lunch and oatmeal for breakfast.  Can you say starch?  Carb?  Why are these foods so cheap?  Why aren’t fresh fruits and veggies as cheap as noodles?

I’m whining now, aren’t I?  Maybe I just need a big tub of ice cream and an unexpected tax-free huge lump sum of money.  Yeah, me and probably a billion other people too, right?

.

**** **** **** ****

Edit:
Just after typing the above entry, I called the pharmacist.  Son has one dose left of his medicine. I needed to find out what, if anything, would happen if he suddenly stopped taking it (some medications you have to be weaned off and I was not sure if that one would fall into that category or not.)  He asked if Son was having a problem with medication.  I explained, frankly, that I did not have the co-pay for the state funded insurance that covers the medication. (Which I might add, is a story in of it’s self.) The pharmacist said to come get the medication. He literally (I saw him) paid for the medication out of his own pocket.
In another words, even in the midst of my whining, my God is STILL taking care of our needs.  Amazing.

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Comments»

1. sweetiegirlz - December 11, 2008

girl for heaven’s sake, call on every resource you know. That’s what family, food pantries, clothes closets, church, is for….you have to open up yer mouth gurlie and ask around for stuff. God is just not gonna rain down stuff on your head.. As for junior’s meds, SOME doctors have free samples of certain meds (especially asthma) start calling some pharmacies first and doctor’s offices…someone will help you…..Praying…don’t wait too long to start doing all this. (((hugs)))

L - December 11, 2008

Family is tapped out. I’ve been working with some of the resources you mentioned. However they can only help so much and so often. It’s just not that simple for our situation. Besides, God might rain stuff down on our heads… Remember the Manna? 😉 It will all work out. I know it will. I’m just…. you know…
Thank you for your prayers… and hugs.

2. bluesuit12 - December 12, 2008

Even though times sound tough, it does sound like you’re being watched over. That was way cool of the pharmacist to cover the cost of the medication. I really hope things start to look up for you and your family!

L - December 13, 2008

Thank you, Bluesuit12/Nan (What am I suppose to call you when you comment here? lol)
The pharmacist was way kind. He said to make sure the children stay on their meds. Let him know if I need anything and he’ll make sure they don’t run out until we get the coverage thing worked out. Praise God.
So, yeah…

I think I was just hormonal whinny when I typed out this post. I’m doing much better today even though I didn’t have ice cream. Who knew someone get better without ice cream?!?


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